Stop debating, start building

You feel the heat rise. The words get sharper.
You have the perfect counter-argument. The final piece of logic that will prove you are right.

This is the moment.
The moment a conversation dies and a debate is born.
It feels like a battlefield. It feels like a chance for victory.

But it is a trap. When you prioritize winning the point, you lose the person. It is an exchange of understanding for dominance. And that is never a victory.

Stop trying to win.
Start trying to connect.

The Way Out: Three Simple Steps

1. Name the Goal: Ask yourself: “Is my goal to win, or is my goal to understand?”
2. See Their View: You don’t have to agree with their view to acknowledge it. Use phrases like, “I can see how you arrived at that conclusion.” This validates them as a thinker without conceding your own position. It shows respect.
3. Speak From Your House: Speak only about your own view from your own window. Use “I” statements. “The way my mind works is…” or “From my perspective, I see…” You own your position without attacking theirs.

These are not tactics for winning. They are tools for building.