Facing Cognitive Dissonance and Changing Identity

To my family, friends, and everyone who I’ve hurt, disappointed, or ghosted over the past decade—I’m sorry. I was fighting a battle I didn’t know how to explain. This article is about what I am going through to end the 10-year long depression.

Cognitive Dissonance

The dissonance is caused by misaligned worldview or habit with the current realisation.

“When dissonance is present, in addition to trying to reduce it, the person will actively avoid situations and information which would likely increase the dissonance.” ― Leon Festinger, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance

As accepting a new realistion would mean temporary chaos and discomfort, human tends to double down on the original worldview, trying to avoid discomfort and proving it true. This means you will be stuck in a loop of proactive avoidance and depression even when overwhelming evidence showing that you have to change.

I spent a decade trying to wear skins that weren’t mine. Only recently—through deeper conversations with colleagues and friends of different races, ethnicities, and personalities—did it become clear: People have wildly different callings in life. What one person dreams of, another is desperate to escape.

Changing Identity

Definitely, I didn’t always run away. I always set series of goal to achieve something, to reach the destination I want, yet always failed at some point and everything falls aparts.

“The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking. It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.” ― James Clear, Atomic Habits

Real change comes from identity shift, not empty resolutions like “I’ll run a marathon” or “I want to run daily.” For a decade, I failed by chasing goals, not becoming someone new. The shift was simple, just say:

“I am a runner. Period.” — Same goes for everything else in life.